Although society is starting be more accepting of people with autism, but we have a long way to go because there are still people that don’t accept the autism community and sadly, there are some faith communities that I believe that haven’t been doing a good job on that and I can relate to this kind of experience because my three previous churches, although the Nazarene church was a bit better but the the other two did not accept or include me ever. I wish that faith communities would be more welcoming to families of kids and adults with autism because we are human just like everyone else, we just live and function differently in life. Also they deserve the right to worship in their gathering space or church if that’s what you’re comfortable calling it.
My experiences with religion and faith have been all but a cloud of confusion most of my life especially as a child and sometimes I wonder if what I was taught in Sunday School might have been all but a lie. I was born into the Presbyterian faith, then transferred over to the Methodist faith, Nazarene Faith, and finally back to the Presbyterian faith again. I feel that society doesn’t truly understand fully of autism because they don’t know what folks like me and our families have to go through every single day in our everyday life. I also feel that people don’t understand what a meltdown really is, we battle with a lot of sensory issues and if we get to overwhelmed with different types of sensory scenarios like a place being too crowded, the noise being too loud, and other issues that would cause us to go into a sensory overload (also known as a meltdown).
After leaving the Presbyterian faith for good, I discovered the Unitarian Universalist community and it’s been the greatest ever. Recently, I’ve began to question my religious beliefs even though I love God and Jesus but what I question is how do I turn that love with a better religion. At times, I’ve began to feel worthless and useless with myself because of all the lose that I’ve experience after coming out. I wonder sometimes if I’m even worth it anymore and that I don’t feel alive at times because of the consequences that I’ve had to deal with after coming out. I even wonder if there’s something else wrong with me, I accept myself with autism but I’m still having a hard time embracing the “I don’t care what others think of me attitude” from an LGBT person point of view because I don’t want to get rejected than I’ve already have in my life and I even wonder if God will continue to love me anymore.
I hope to figure out where my religious beliefs lie but no matter what happens, God and Jesus will remain in me for life just possibly not in the typical way anymore.